Top Ten Reasons for Going to Mars

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- An unnamed official in the Bush Administration leaked a short list of the top reasons why George Bush has called for a voyage to Mars. Stung by criticism from those who object to spending huge many billions for Mars when the nation is already strapped by massive debt from the Iraqi war, President Bush allegedly felt that it is time to be more forthcoming about the real reasons behind the mission to Mars, which, he believes, will be "well accepted" by the public once they learn the truth.

According to the leaked document, the top 10 reasons for going to Mars, in reverse order, are:

10. $87 billion extra debt for Iraq just isn't enough spending to provide job security for needy bankers lending money to the US.

9. A $500 billion deficit in one year might not be enough to earn a permanent entry in the Guinness Book of World Records.

8. Donald Rumsfeld has to be put somewhere. Maybe Howard Dean, too.

7. If there's life on Mars, there might be oil, and if there's oil, it's going to be ours--with the help of Haliburton.

6. Vast natural resources could be ours: Arizona is running low on sand and rocks.

5. New study reveals: Women are actually from Mars, not Venus.

4. Good place to find more aliens in need of amnesty and jobs.

3. Intelligence confirms: Saddam's weapons of mass destruction are hidden on Mars.

2. Iraq was not enough: Mars is a whole new planet to bomb!

1. Broadcasts from Mars intercepted--it's Osama!

Snippets from Jeff Lindsay:

George W. Bush's Top Ten Reasons for Going to Mars